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Guilt, It’s FU#*&D up!!!!! so knock that shit off…

guilt blog image complete

g = guilt

u= undermines

i= intelligent

l= loving

t= thoughts

Yes, guilt undermines intelligent loving thoughts! It keeps us imprisoned by fear, sadness and SHAME and it keeps others imprisoned by us.

How do I know? My mom was a Southern Baptist and my dad was an Irish Catholic. Trust me, I know some things…

However, there isn’t one religion that has cornered the market on it or one race that has the largest market share of it. guilt, unfortunately belongs to the masses.
We have guilt ingrained in us before some of us can even speak. Don’t believe me? Does this scenario sound familiar?

Have you ever seen a grown up playing with a toddler, and as the toddler toddles away to happily explore something more interesting, the grown makes a big booboo face with “the lip” and whimpers. The toddler looks at the adult, registers the emotion and returns back to the adult who immediately expresses joy and rewards the child with love.

POW! We just gave that little being their first experience feeling and reacting to guilt!

We do it with the most genuine of hearts, in the name of playing and the safety of “I’m just kidding.”

There are some schools of thought that say that guilt is good, it drives your inner compass. Well that my friend, is short sighted, unhealthy and a bunch of crap.
Guilt is one of the lowest vibrations there is and trust me, if you are conscious in your life to what is right and what is wrong, your inner compass just doesn’t need the twisted motivation of guilt.

If you make a mistake and choose the wrong action, well, that is why they call it a mistake, figure it out, correct it in the future and move on. If you continue to make the same mistake, it is not a mistake, it is your way of being.

Here’s the thing, if it’s your way of being and you believe that saying “I feel guilty” makes it feel better and rights the wrong, then three things are happening.

1. You are feeding into a vicious cycle of living less than yourself. As long as you can say you feel bad about it, it somehow is acceptable. It’s not!

2. You are in denial about “your guilt” making others feel better about it too, it doesn’t. As a matter of fact, hate to break it to you… but they are onto you!

3. You have no self control and you want others to make you feel better about that fact.

Guilt is the emotion of Addiction!!

My dad (the Irish Catholic) was an alcoholic and in the last 15 years of his life, he was in recovery. He and I had many conversation about the what’s and why’s of his addiction, beyond the physical addiction was the shame and guilt he had over who and how he was as a human being when he drank. He said that when the alcohol wore off, the pain of guilt that he had, was more than he could bare or even begin to live with, so he drank some more and that became more and more and more.

Guilt is the most narcissistic of all negative feelings…. It assumes, “I am more important than you, my action obviously impact you and I feel bad because your life is “less than” itself, because I have made a decision about my life.”

Hate to break it to you but everyone will be just fine, with the decisions you make eventually and they probably feel less about the entire situation than you do. People’s happiness is reliant on them, not you, so relax.
If they try to make you feel that their happiness your responsibility, well that is co-dependence and just don’t be a part of it.

Here’s an example:

I had a client that really struggled with guilt, she felt that every single action good or bad, created uneasiness for her partner. She felt that her partners life path wasn’t as gratifying as her own because it didn’t look like hers. One day her partner left her for an amazing life of service traveling around the world, my client was mystified and when she asked “What happened?” the partner told her that she had been so busy, worrying about the impact her “fabulous” life was having on the partner, that she never even saw the magnificent life path the partner had created on her own, and away she went.

It seems to me that we have the wrong word, Maybe if we as a society just said, “I feel bad for what I did.” it would reduce the drama that surrounds that word Guilt. I mean, say that. “I feel bad for what I did.” Now say “I feel so guilty.” One ends it and you can move on and the later declares an open ended way of being.

Here’s the good news… What if it’s just a matter of changing our vocabulary? I believe that is a great way to start, so start. Now go forward, live guilt free and PROSPER!!!